Listening to Snowfall

[Keith]

Hi Sparky
I like the idea behind this you have developed quite an imaginative piece and I like how you bring the outside inside and the movements against the sound outside. I think you need to work on the opening as it reads disjointed to me and you could look at swapping the order of the first three lines around but whatever you decide I think it needs work I do like eve or edge though. Best Keith

At night you hear the falling,

but only after it has settled

on some eve or edge,

Not sure the opening lines packs enough interest to really set the hook it reads a bit disjointed and could be smoothed out with some adjustment

then you hear the voices in the snow,

starlight shaping sound prints.

Like this it lets the imagination take it away

You hear the bushy tails,

Three hears up here is too many given the title tells us what we are doing

and the crying teeth of the slightest breeze.

crying teeth is a bit hard to see

Speech pitter-patters over the windowpane.

Out on the ice,

paws grind and shovel pallid-whispers.

I like the interaction between motion and sound you are developing

There are swaddled hollows

just like yours.

There are snouts that sense

when you turn in your bed,

when you curl ever tighter

around an incoherent flesh.

Right now – if asked,

you’d swear the fall speaks,

but it’s just the sky creaking,

only a crushed silence tumbling

too loudly from your ears.

I like how this links back to the start with the falling snow.