11-30-2016, 10:27 AM
Thank you so much for the feedback!
I get what you mean. Especially the "word salad", it certainly is kinda a word salad. xD As to the consistent theme, I don't believe all poetry must have a definite point and meaning. As a matter of fact, some of my poetry tends to run on the random side. I will say though that I usually enjoy poems better which have a theme I can comprehend. I think if you don't have a consistent theme, you should have at least a consistent feeling that you are trying to convey. The latter was more of what I was seeking to do in this poem. For me, the poem imparts thoughts of the woods, nature, quietude, peace, but also mystery and some psychedelics. That's what I was hoping the reader would get out of it too. I'm not trying to make it a perfect, mathematical, work that is ready for the headlines, but rather something softer. Perhaps you're right and I'm a newb and I should stick to the books. But perhaps you're not and perhaps I do this for a living.
Perhaps you were expecting too much or too rigorous an outline and that's why you didn't enjoy the poem. I'd try reading a few more times, perhaps slower.
The opening lines that you quoted I do think are some of the better lines of the poem. But overall, I like the poem myself.
Thanks again!!
I get what you mean. Especially the "word salad", it certainly is kinda a word salad. xD As to the consistent theme, I don't believe all poetry must have a definite point and meaning. As a matter of fact, some of my poetry tends to run on the random side. I will say though that I usually enjoy poems better which have a theme I can comprehend. I think if you don't have a consistent theme, you should have at least a consistent feeling that you are trying to convey. The latter was more of what I was seeking to do in this poem. For me, the poem imparts thoughts of the woods, nature, quietude, peace, but also mystery and some psychedelics. That's what I was hoping the reader would get out of it too. I'm not trying to make it a perfect, mathematical, work that is ready for the headlines, but rather something softer. Perhaps you're right and I'm a newb and I should stick to the books. But perhaps you're not and perhaps I do this for a living.
Perhaps you were expecting too much or too rigorous an outline and that's why you didn't enjoy the poem. I'd try reading a few more times, perhaps slower.
The opening lines that you quoted I do think are some of the better lines of the poem. But overall, I like the poem myself.
Thanks again!!
(11-25-2016, 08:18 AM)gedankespieler Wrote: I think poetry does well to a somewhat consistent theme; this greatly helps the reader to construct mental imagery. This sounds somewhat like schizophrenic word salad, which probably isn't what you're going for. I'd recommend using more varied emphasis and rhyme to construct, if not meaning, a pleasing melody. If you want to choose words for how they sound, and not what sense they make, it's best to also choose them for their rhythm. Think of it as composing a tune.
By the end of this poem, I was barely paying attention - it is too disjointed, and the structure it has is too repetitive to be interesting (like a bad techno track). Sorry if I'm being harsh.
I think this bit has something:
Quote:Mossy forests- but it swiftly falls apart after that. Coherence is key.
Fondle soft
Feathered chorists
Secret loft
Sylvan bed-tents
Dreamt dances
Unveiled consents
Real-life trances
Hear a whisper
Quote:Hear a whisperNope, you've lost me. The images don't cohere at all. I think, if you're relatively new to poetry, you should be somewhat strict with yourself. Churning things onto a page won't help you improve.
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