October

[Sparkydashforth]

Dense and strong, I like it! The one change I would suggest is condensing these two lines into one:

The dead come and go
we see their smoke in the dank air.

The second line seems too verbose and wasteful relative to the rest of the poem.

Thanks redbaron, yup that line is just way too talky.

Obliged to you.

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Thanks Achebe,

I probably need a comma after for line 2.

The 'fine day' thing is a play on the native American (plains Indian), death song (chant).
Perhaps I should change it to 'a good day'.
October is a time of death after all --- and yet....

Good FB

Cheers!

Wet roots run sideways into hills and clouds.  .... an extra syllable - perhaps a synonym for sideways?
The dead come and go
we see their smoke in the dank air. .... three lines. Theee sentences - too prosey

Tomorrow a child will crumble earth into stone,
the day after, a worm will unearth a chill dawn. ...I'd suggest to cut out the 'will'

A fine day to creep like lichen through a hollow bone, ... are you saying that it's a fine day for someone to do all that, or that a fine day will etc? The image is beautiful but I don't get the significance of 'a fine day'
or seep through a stem into Autumn.

Nice
Best