October
#2
Dense and strong, I like it! The one change I would suggest is condensing these two lines into one:


Quote:The dead come and go
we see their smoke in the dank air.

The second line seems too verbose and wasteful relative to the rest of the poem.
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Messages In This Thread
October - by Sparkydashforth - 11-28-2016, 01:39 AM
RE: October - by theredbaron - 11-28-2016, 09:11 AM
RE: October - by Sparkydashforth - 11-28-2016, 12:10 PM
RE: October - by Achebe - 11-28-2016, 10:48 AM
RE: October - by MadelineAnne - 12-02-2016, 03:34 AM
RE: October - by Sparkydashforth - 12-02-2016, 03:52 AM



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