I thought it was you I saw (edit 2)
#4
(11-25-2016, 08:00 PM)Achebe Wrote:  I don't know if this qualifies as poetry but ilm happily drunk and therefore everything is poetry.

I thought it was you I saw


I thought it was you I saw
as if looking to fly away
for a moment it was you I saw
in a glimpse, though you're far away
under the moon.

And thinking it was you I saw 
I rejoiced in the hoping
for a flash of black eyes, far away
a sinking twilight star away -- beautiful
where the winter forest's moping -- like this too, evocative
under the moon.
Ok, my question is: why especially 'under the moon'? Admittedly, it's a more atmospheric choice than say, 'relatively near Andromeda in galactic terms' or 'standing on top of the earth's crust'? But, what does it establish other than it's night and you're on planet earth? I like the repetition of it, however I would substitute something a bit more specific to this love, or at least something more surprising; referencing moonlight in the context of love poetry has been done a good bit.

Otherwise, I thought it was lovely. Thumbsup
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Messages In This Thread
I thought it was you I saw (edit 2) - by Achebe - 11-25-2016, 08:00 PM
RE: I thought it was you I saw - by shemthepenman - 11-25-2016, 08:18 PM
RE: I thought it was you I saw - by Achebe - 11-25-2016, 08:31 PM
RE: I thought it was you I saw - by Lizzie - 11-26-2016, 02:13 PM
RE: I thought it was you I saw - by Achebe - 11-26-2016, 03:25 PM



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