Dark Waters

[Jo Frumple]

I really like it, in fact I think it's almost good to go. To me it sounds like a break-up poem. It makes me think of the horror, confusion, and despair that follows abandonment or rejection by a lover or friend.
The third stanza does throw me a bit. It seems you go from likening one "drifting" in "dark waters", which to me conveys a fluidity, lostness, and void. Then it seems you switch (maybe that's intentional) to a much more solid, material, state, because there's "pressure" which, unless you're drowning (again, maybe that's the point) I don't usually think of being pressured while you're floating. Also, I know that mirrors underwater or seeing phantoms underwater are a common idea but bringing in a mirror that surrounds you.... I don't know, it just switched the scene from aquatic to more like a dark room but then of course you end with aquatic again. That's just my thoughts. Maybe you meant to have it that way but I thought I'd share what came to my mind.

I do like that you reiterate the first stanza.

Dark Waters


Heart capsized
No longer drifting.
Further and further away
Swims reality.

Submerged, discouraged,
Eyes blurred,
Limbs slicing,
Dark waters
Enticing the unclaimed depths.

Mindless pressure
Pulsing
In the mirror
of distortion
surrounding me.

Heart capsized
No longer drifting.
Further and further away
Swims reality.