11-23-2016, 04:33 AM
(11-23-2016, 04:11 AM)Pdeathstar Wrote: You've got green, a worm, a winnower.... There's enough there to make an agriculture reference... I am talking about the transition between the two halves of the poem.... Maybe it seemed lazy to me because that wasn't your intent.... I know what you meant them to be, I thought perhaps you were attempting a metaphor...Thanks for responding deathstar. Yes, I can see what you mean now. I was thinking more of a parasitic worm (I suppose tequila worm would work too), and the winnower idea was connected to the god the father reference. Do these elements work? That has yet to be determined.
It's impossible for me to know how others are going to read something and what they'll see as distracting or helpful -- I wouldn't be so quick to attribute this to laziness. That's what the workshopping process is for, so that I can see the poem through others' eyes.