11-23-2016, 04:22 AM
Heart capsized
No longer drifting. => This I like, as love suggests drifting; a broken/capsized heart is no longer adrift in the sea of love.
Further and further away
Swims reality. => See my comment below.
Submerged, discouraged,
Eyes blurred,
Limbs slicing,
Dark waters => I'm a bit confused by these last two lines, which I read as almost tautological, if dark waters might suggest unclaimed depths
Enticing the unclaimed depths.
Mindless pressure
Pulsing
In the mirror
of distortion
surrounding me. => One could say that love is like a 'mirror of distortion'; if so, then this moment could be confusing (see my comment below)
Heart capsized
No longer drifting.
Further and further away
Swims reality.
I like this very much. Just some food for thought: With matters of the heart, might not the problem be more when 'reality' closes in, when it swims towards you, when it tosses you that most unwelcome life preserver moored to the brick-and-mortar real world? Love is largely about fantasy, which to some degree means keeping 'reality' at bay. When in love, who needs or wants reality? If the heart capsizing suggests that its been broken (I could be wrong about what you mean here), the fantasy and magic are gone and we are left to face that painful return to the real world (or not). In love we are adrift in the 'sea of love'. The heart capsized, we face a choice: grab reality's (painful) life preserver or allow ourselves to sink and drown in the dark unclaimed depths. Most opt for the former, the lesser of two evils; many have and will opt for the latter (one reason poetry is still in business ;-). Again, just something to think about. Really like the overall imagery of the poem!
No longer drifting. => This I like, as love suggests drifting; a broken/capsized heart is no longer adrift in the sea of love.
Further and further away
Swims reality. => See my comment below.
Submerged, discouraged,
Eyes blurred,
Limbs slicing,
Dark waters => I'm a bit confused by these last two lines, which I read as almost tautological, if dark waters might suggest unclaimed depths
Enticing the unclaimed depths.
Mindless pressure
Pulsing
In the mirror
of distortion
surrounding me. => One could say that love is like a 'mirror of distortion'; if so, then this moment could be confusing (see my comment below)
Heart capsized
No longer drifting.
Further and further away
Swims reality.
I like this very much. Just some food for thought: With matters of the heart, might not the problem be more when 'reality' closes in, when it swims towards you, when it tosses you that most unwelcome life preserver moored to the brick-and-mortar real world? Love is largely about fantasy, which to some degree means keeping 'reality' at bay. When in love, who needs or wants reality? If the heart capsizing suggests that its been broken (I could be wrong about what you mean here), the fantasy and magic are gone and we are left to face that painful return to the real world (or not). In love we are adrift in the 'sea of love'. The heart capsized, we face a choice: grab reality's (painful) life preserver or allow ourselves to sink and drown in the dark unclaimed depths. Most opt for the former, the lesser of two evils; many have and will opt for the latter (one reason poetry is still in business ;-). Again, just something to think about. Really like the overall imagery of the poem!