how it begins

[Lizzie]

I like the cadence and sound of the poem. I think the title is weak. Titles with pronouns generally are.  I can see the abandonment of the allusions to agriculture in the second half of the poem (moving to planes and tech (yeah, voicemail is mundane tech) paralleling his abandonment of it as well, but it reads sort of lazy to me.

Can you tell me what seems lazy to you, other than the title? I grant you the title could be better.

I'm curious where you see agricultural references, aside from my avatar.
'Green' here means new love. The worm is the queasiness that's the first sign that something's gone wrong.

Voicemail is mundane....maybe. I'll think on it.

Thanks for sharing your perspective, Deathstar.

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Good write -

here's how it begins—

a worm in the stomach imagined.............like the gastric imagery
as the turbulence of green love ............yes, nicely said like the match of turbulence and green
of a future descending too fast.............the word 'descending' here is key...a falling or a fall

he lags a moment behind and then

an unreturned message or a missed
appointment and then—............................good use of a pause and then 'lags' hits the right note for his hesitancy.

are you a leaver my love? must be nice
to be the decider

must be nice
to be the winnower

must be grand
to be god and father.............like all the italic but last line feels a little over ripe.

when the bewilderment arrives
he'll be on a plane outbound
and the only sound his departure
will ever create is the simulated speech
of a call gone straight to voicemail....................clever. Good last line. Ends with a sharp note.

Hi Sparky! Thanks for your input. I wasn't sure how many times I should use that repetition in the middle bit, so I'll cut that last one that feels too much. Thanks for calling that out.