Dark Waters

[Coquette16]

Bunx,

Thank you for your feedback! I'm very glad that the poem touched you in a positive way

-Coquette


quote='Bunx' pid='220878' dateline='1479746988']

Dark Waters


Heart capsized ... Sweet imagery
No longer drifting.
Further and further away
Swims reality. ... awesome metaphor, but pretty broad. Initially I get a sense of losing a loving and suffering delusions because of that.  

Submerged, discouraged,
Eyes blurred,
Limbs slicing,  .... A little confused here. Is one swimming to the "dark waters?" 
Dark waters
Enticing the unclaimed depths. Very cool imagery 

Mindless pressure
Pulsing
In the mirror
of distortion
surrounding me. Very cool stanza. 

Heart capsized
No longer drifting.
Further and further away
Swims reality. Awesome turn around

Really sweet poem!
I love how brief and concise the images are. Also it gives alot to the readers imagination. One idea would be to do another version and tell the full story of the capsized heart.  
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Alex,
I appreciate your feedback   I plan to correct the grammatical errors  and will consider your other comments---thank you!

-Coquette 

quote='AlexSharp' pid='220876' dateline='1479746289']

Dark Waters


Heart capsized
No longer drifting.
Further and further away
Swims reality.

Submerged, discouraged,
Eyes blurred,
Limbs slicing,
Dark waters
Enticing the unclaimed depths.

Mindless pressure
Pulsing
In the mirror
of distortion
surrounding me.

Heart capsized
No longer drifting.
Further and further away
Swims reality.

Imagery is nice ! The 'mirror of distortion' depicting the water is really cool. Only advice I really have is correct your grammatical errors like starting every line with a capital. I was taught your grammar in poetry should basically follow regular prose if you're going to use punctuation and capital letters. If you want to keep the capitals I would at least get rid of the punctuation.
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