11-21-2016, 05:28 AM
(11-21-2016, 04:13 AM)Sparkydashforth Wrote: He sucked the white tube inwardI really like this piece, while I'm still kind of confused what you are trying to say with the comparison between the people defending themselves and wolves. Could actually mean that the Nazis were right and everyone else was worth less (just like animals without intelligence acting out of instinct). Maybe you should have done it the other way around somehow? Although this would have changed the whole poem.
pulling poison into his lungs
until the tip glowed fiercely. Love the way you describe smoking
He drank warm lemon tea,
lean body coiling and uncoiling
on an abdominal spring.
"You see, quite by chance,
we captured a Gestapo Officer
who was hunting for us.
He was confident -
arrogant.
He thought none among us I don't really understand reason for the line break
would resist.
We tore him apart with our bare hands.
It was over in minutes. Some bit his neck.
Some dug his eyes from their sockets.
The women went for his manhood.
We were covered with blood and gore.
I will never forget the surprise on his face
as he died in lumps and pieces." The violence feels overexaggerated for humans and more like what animals would do
A long pause, as he took another
slow pull on the hot tobacco.
I tell you, be a good boy Is this supposed to be quoted aswell? Because it would make sense due to the "long pause" in between.
and pray to gentle Jesus,
but when they come for you,
be a wolf. As stated before: Felt more like what animals would do. Wolves for example.
You probably just wanted to say something like "defend yourself when you need to" and I'm thinking about it too much.
Whatever, I liked it, maybe add quotation marks to the last stanza, to me it looks like it should be that way.
PS: I had to google what Gestapo is. I'm german. I feel really retarded right now.

