waiting for the snow

[Bueller]

Bueller,

I put some comments within the poem text and also after. 

we're waiting for the snow to fall quiet
like a poem's beginning  

Beautiful. I can feel the stillness of both.

bringing relief from the rain
and the blustery wind
from the slip of rotting leaves

There is also blustery wind in winter, so perhaps an alternate type of wind/prevailing weather to make the shift more pronounced. The "slip of rotting leaves" is like a boat slip...the wind departs the ground? Just clarifying the image it creates for me---is this the image you wanted to convey?

from the strain of change

we're waiting to trundle
through undulating drifts
across fallow fields

inward as a daydream
as an icy lake

Love "inward as a daydream" simile! Beautiful...
The last line left me confused as to what exactly is the "daydream"....winter? 


Overall, the poem has good bones to play around with and also has some beautiful imagery. I question the overall tone of the poem. The tone should either be more consistent or have a purposeful shift.

Hi, Coquette16. You bring up some valid points. The daydream is just a simile meant to reinforce the calm, the hush that the first snowfall brings.

I think you're right about the tone needing to be the same, so I'll likely cut out the leaves bit and make that into something else.

Thanks for the critique.