The Ice-Cream Truck

[Alic Elliot]

Perhaps the season has long since past for this poem to be relevant, but I think it shows a bit of promise. With a bit of revision and tinkering, it should turn out just fine. Also, I haven't been to the forum for a while, so I am a bit rusty.

How I love to hear the song
Of the passing ice-cream truck-
Vending all its frozen treats
In the sweltered summer muck. Don't we all

It seems to echo languidly
Through our quiet little street.
The drowsiness would melt us all,
Before we had our treat!
No matter what you do, keep this stanza. It's whimsical and lighthearted.

But now some different songs begin
And our little street surround, 
As the youth of our fair neighborhood,
Cry and shriek and sound.

O! How I love to hear the children,
with crumpled bills in hand,
Of this joyous vendor-

Their sweets they quick demand. This isn't the best wording- maybe “To this joyous vendor- Impatient calls demand" or something of the like?

And as they come about their prey,
Their laughs- they fill the air!
And fill our quiet neighborhood Using “fill" twice here doesn't sound quite right.
With a child’s thoughts and cares.

So every day of every June,
In the swelter of the afternoon,
We dance and sing the merry tune
Of the passing ice-cream truck. Up until here, the rhyme scheme was ABCB DEFE (and so on). Diverting from that may not be the best option, unless you go for an AAAA stanza.

Overall, I like it. Lighthearted, whimsical, joyous. Makes me a bit nostalgic, thinking about when I was 7 or 8. Good times. But back to relevancy, I think only problems here are wording, and tbe rhyme scheme thing. 

Best, 
Alic