11-13-2016, 08:25 AM
(11-10-2016, 04:44 AM)BecktheDog Wrote: The sun rises just a little bit higherThe give / gain attempted paradox here is weak. The sun rises higher, but that causes the dew to evaporate, not form. The only relevant example that I see in S1 is the accumulation of snow on mountaintops, where the air loses moisture but the ground gains it.
the crimson pink rose petal accretes a drop of dew
the wind pushes the branches
the ground gains a new leaf
a new bud sprouts from the ground
corn is harvested by the bushel
snow accumulates on the mountain tops.
The world sees a new baby's face
the parent emits more love than thought possible
a kind word gives hope
laughter fills a room
a dog rolls over and kisses its owner
Coffee drips down into the pot
a breath out
a breath in
To accrete is to gain
oxygen in a brain
hope through the pain.
Without a logically consistent theme, and without the cover of a formal poetic structure, this poem reads to me like just a loose bunch of lines. I found 'a dog rolls over and kisses its owner' in particularly, bewildering.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe

