11-12-2016, 10:38 PM
1. I would just say "I am quieting" in the first line.
2.drop "into" in the second line
3.I think the line about letting you drive distracts from the "body" image you were evoking
4.I would just say "I did everything with myself in mind"
5. comma after (now)
6. not sure I would use "me" twice in the same line
I liked this poem, the images are vivid
2.drop "into" in the second line
3.I think the line about letting you drive distracts from the "body" image you were evoking
4.I would just say "I did everything with myself in mind"
5. comma after (now)
6. not sure I would use "me" twice in the same line
I liked this poem, the images are vivid