To Give is to Gain

[Lizzie]

Hi Beck This poem is a mixed bag for me. The title feels cliche and unconnected to the rest of the poem.

Some line notes for you to follow:

The sun rises just a little bit higher  -- higher than? Higher is a comparative word.
the crimson pink rose petal accretes a drop of dew -- I'd choose one color or the other. This is like saying red pink, which I don't find adds depth to the image, just confusion.
the wind pushes the branches
the ground gains a new leaf
a new bud sprouts from the ground
corn is harvested by the bushel -- I agree with others that the sudden switch to the passive voice is jarring.
snow accumulates on the mountain tops.
 
The world sees a new baby's face
the parent emits more love than thought possible -- who thought? This phrasing is long and awkward.
a kind word gives hope
laughter fills a room
a dog rolls over and kisses its owner
 
Coffee drips down into the pot
a breath out
a breath in
 
To accrete is to gain
oxygen in a brain
hope through the pain.

So, my biggest issue is that there are things listed here which don't illustrate the bringing hope through the pain theme, to my eyes. Specifically, I don't see how the mountains accumulating snow or the wind pushing the branches or getting a cup of coffee bring new hope. I'm not denying that things things can be seen through that lens of new hope, but the connection is not obvious to me. And, honestly, sometimes those surprising examples of a concept are the most interesting (I'm not suggesting dropping them), I would just like to see the connection made more explicitly.

Hope this helps some.

lizziep