11-04-2016, 01:47 AM
[quote='dukealien' pid='219656' dateline='1478007158']
Brimful
An old man minces ~ interesting implications for 'minces'..never heard of the term used for walking..
bears life like a brimming bowl this line is stronger than any from the first draft
of harvest liquor. interesting ambivalence elicited from 'harvest liquor'
a good revision. your tenacity for 'brimful' is evident. i still find it redundant, abstract, and just off. what is brimful? the man? if the bowl is life and brimming, and the man is bearing the bowl, bearing life, then the man too is brimful with the bowl? if life is brimfully filing the man, [b]can one be filled to the brim with life bowls?[/b]
[b][b]i guess it makes more sense to say the bowl is brimful (randomly assigning 'brimful' to another noun in the poem), but you already have the modifier 'brimming' doing this work.
[/b][/b]
life is the brimming bowl in the simile, but i think you're trying to suggest that life is also filling the man to be brim, like a liquid would..you might say 'bears life like the harvest liquor / of a brimming bowl' then the brimming metaphor would work to fill the man..
i do like the poem. thanks for posting
Brimful
An old man minces ~ interesting implications for 'minces'..never heard of the term used for walking..
bears life like a brimming bowl this line is stronger than any from the first draft
of harvest liquor. interesting ambivalence elicited from 'harvest liquor'
a good revision. your tenacity for 'brimful' is evident. i still find it redundant, abstract, and just off. what is brimful? the man? if the bowl is life and brimming, and the man is bearing the bowl, bearing life, then the man too is brimful with the bowl? if life is brimfully filing the man, [b]can one be filled to the brim with life bowls?[/b]
[b][b]i guess it makes more sense to say the bowl is brimful (randomly assigning 'brimful' to another noun in the poem), but you already have the modifier 'brimming' doing this work.
[/b][/b]
life is the brimming bowl in the simile, but i think you're trying to suggest that life is also filling the man to be brim, like a liquid would..you might say 'bears life like the harvest liquor / of a brimming bowl' then the brimming metaphor would work to fill the man..
i do like the poem. thanks for posting
Thanks to this Forum
