Parents *Edit 1

[mitsuch]

EDIT #1

We can see you,   
in your 40 hour sweat; - dont believe the semi colon is required
You lick the salt as if it were gold dust,
and choke on the water that’s left
 
It is said: two days make up for five.
With dawn, early birds rise,
catch the rubber worm, regurgitate,
and perpetuate it into their child. - maybe drop the "it" for more flow and poet feel, feels like its blocking the line, its a great one.
 
It isn't easy,
jumping into the grinder feet first.
Pretending , the crunching - maybe consider removing the comma? Feels out of place to me atleast, not required.
is from the  pretzels you call lunch.
 
When your body’s all, bone-fragment- flecked -pink –meat, - I actually think that the lines of the last stanza are unbalanced in syllable count which is taking away from the flow, it makes it harder to absord and understand. May just be me though.
gather yourself, go home.
Press your remnants into the human shaped mold on the couch,
and wonder why we will not choose to live the same. Definitely prefered the first version of this line better, this is bulky and rough.

---

Parents
We can see you,
in your 40 hour sweat;
licking up the salt as if it were gold dust,
choking on the water that is left.
 
Myth: two days make up for 5.
Dawn exists so early birds can rise,
catch the rubber worm, regurgitate,
and perpetuate it into their child.
 
It’s not supposed to be easy,
jumping into the grinder feet first.
Pretending , the crunching
is from the  pretzels you call lunch.
 
When your body’s all, bone-fragment- flecked -pink –meat,
gather yourself, go home.
Press your remnants into the human shaped mold on the couch.
And wonder why we won't do the same.



Thanks you for your time!

Definitely enjoyed the poem. Some pointers up top