Akathisia

Akathisia

rayheinrich Offline

Left of Alabaster

Posts: 445
Threads: 286
Joined: Nov 2011

11-02-2016, 08:58 PM

I'd take out that "Around and around" at the end of each stanza.
The content is sufficient to form the rhythm, that repeated phrase detracts.

all this useless beauty... but what the hell, why not?

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Messages In This Thread

Akathisia - by Mark Cecil - 11-02-2016, 09:34 AM

RE: Akathisia - by RiverNotch - 11-02-2016, 01:23 PM

RE: Akathisia - by rayheinrich - 11-02-2016, 08:58 PM

RE: Akathisia - by Mark Cecil - 11-03-2016, 04:11 AM

RE: Akathisia - by Brownlie - 11-03-2016, 11:29 AM

RE: Akathisia - by Krakus - 11-03-2016, 12:18 PM

RE: Akathisia - by CRNDLSM - 11-06-2016, 04:15 AM

RE: Akathisia - by rayheinrich - 11-07-2016, 11:02 PM

RE: Akathisia - by vagabond - 05-10-2017, 07:08 AM

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