Brimful [edit]

[RiverNotch]

Brimful (Senryu)


Old man walks as if
he carries well-aged brandy
in brimming chalice.

Last line corrected - how did *that* get in there?

FIVE SEVEN FIVE!!!!!
but also this could reasonably be turned into a haiku, if you set it some season-time, like instead of well-aged brandy, say, "vintage plum wine" or something, which I think would somehow better it
and I can't help but be irked by the missing articles in the first and last lines -- maybe something like "The old man ambles / like he carries plum vintage / in a brimming cup." but that's probably just me
otherwise, lovely! and what last line corrected?