waiting for the snow

[Bueller]

Hi bueller! I like this.  The snow seems ominous, it reads like an introduction.  Some of the repetition isn't wordage so much as clusters.  I like kolemath idea to start the poem without the title in the first line.  Quiet, like a poems beginning.  So you have next the past 'from the rain, from the slip, from the strain'.  Then is prepositions of the tough future, 'through, across, inward'  then  it seems to compare this process of shifting to both a daydream and an icy lake.  But those last two I can't necessarily compare to each other.  You got style and a way with words, keep writing!

we're waiting for the snow to fall quiet
like a poem's beginning

bringing relief from the rain
and the blustery wind
from the slip of rotting leaves

from the strain of change

we're waiting to trundle
through undulating drifts
across fallow fields

inward as a daydream
as an icy lake

 Its true when it is snowing the rain does not fall...is this a metaphor maybe of a change in your life??  Very nice!

When I write mood pieces, they do tend to draw on my experiences, yes.

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Luke