waiting for the snow

[Bueller]

we're waiting for the snow to fall quiet
like a poem's beginning

bringing relief from the rain
and the blustery wind
from the slip of rotting leaves

from the strain of change

we're waiting to trundle
through undulating drifts
across fallow fields

inward as a daydream
as an icy lake

Great imagery throughout. I get a little lost in that there is strain in change, especially because you mention how quiet it comes at the beginning and the relief it will be. Maybe instead of strain it could be an easy transition?

Hi shisle07.

I see that that line is confusing -- I was thinking about the unstable feeling of the transition between summer and winter, but you're right that I do equate the final coming of winter with relief.

That whole line will be cut in the revision, since it doesn't seem to add anything but confusion. Thanks for adding in your viewpoint.

Luke