waiting for the snow

[Bueller]

i suppose the stanza is walking through a snowy field? Yeah, that's what I had in mind.

inward as a daydream
as an icy lake is an icy lake inward? i think of surfaces "inward" was supposed to refer to the frame of mind of the characters, pulling into the self for a season, introspection, etc. So, then the icy lake pulling inward is because it's like the water closes itself off to the rest of the world for a time of, for lack of a better word, hibernation. So, the lake, there's activity underneath, but stillness on top -- even barrenness on top, it might seem if one didn't know of the activity underneath. That's where my mind was going.

Good points, and I will make some changes, hopefully try to make things clearer. Thank you.

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we're waiting for the snow to fall quiet
like a poem's beginning ....quietly, but a little trade off of grammar for sonics is ok. Unless you meant 'become quiet', which doesn't connect with a poem's beginning 

bringing relief from the rain .... 'bringing relief' is prosaic
and the blustery wind .... spoils the quiet buildup of the first two lines
from the slip of rotting leaves .... although I like the last line, the first two are dull and spoil the seeenity of the opening. Let this poem be about quiet snow, not about everything else in the world 

from the strain of change .... meaningless 

we're waiting to trundle
through undulating drifts
across fallow fields .... nice strophe. Along with the opening, the best part of the poem 

inward as a daydream
as an icy lake .... snow covered fields like an icy lake...the simile is weak as both images are of equal strength 

I think you've got a good poem on your hands. Might make sense to carry on with the opening mood

But, I like talking about everything in the world!

Great crit, and I will make some changes. Thanks, achebe.

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Howls: the slip of rotting leaves is referring to how slimy and moist the leaves get when it's been rainy and they've been on the ground for a while. Let's just say, I'm always slipping on the leaves this time of year. My deck is a deathtrap for me.

Thanks for the critique and for reading.

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Hi bueller! I like this.  The snow seems ominous, it reads like an introduction.  Some of the repetition isn't wordage so much as clusters.  I like kolemath idea to start the poem without the title in the first line.  Quiet, like a poems beginning.  So you have next the past 'from the rain, from the slip, from the strain'.  Then is prepositions of the tough future, 'through, across, inward'  then  it seems to compare this process of shifting to both a daydream and an icy lake.  But those last two I can't necessarily compare to each other.  You got style and a way with words, keep writing!

Ok, I'll look at some of the repetition and see what I can come up with. It's interesting, I intended the coming of the snowfall to be a time of a certain heaviness to be sure, but also of liberation from the chaotic feeling of fall and the wildness of the changing seasons. Perhaps I'll work harder at getting that snowfall to really feel like relief instead of ominous or foreboding.

Thanks for letting me know how you read it. That's very helpful.