10-27-2016, 10:16 AM
@Dukealien S1 is definitely wordy, not sure how to fix that one yet. The blank space in the title is necessary, I can't quite remove it. Of course, I should hope it leaves the reader searching for something that may or may not be there. Your suggestion confuses me, however, which means either my first few lines failed, or I need your suggestion explained to me.
@Kolemath Past participles were the intent. I love participles, and often use them subtly. Forgot the commas, however. (Might be a bad habit from translating out of Latin - my teacher instructed us not to use commas for some participles, even though it often seemed necessary.) I'll adjust that here. On a side note, don't let the narrow city streets make you think trees are out of the question. Granted, the boulevard was the destination of the sunlight, and where the driving scene should begin. Brooklyn has quite a number of trees as well, and those are usually some pretty tight streets.
@Kolemath Past participles were the intent. I love participles, and often use them subtly. Forgot the commas, however. (Might be a bad habit from translating out of Latin - my teacher instructed us not to use commas for some participles, even though it often seemed necessary.) I'll adjust that here. On a side note, don't let the narrow city streets make you think trees are out of the question. Granted, the boulevard was the destination of the sunlight, and where the driving scene should begin. Brooklyn has quite a number of trees as well, and those are usually some pretty tight streets.
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona