I See Yet

[HaleINthewind]

{FIRST EDITION}
I See Yet

I see us trees
growing to and from one another,  (I like this image, the idea of trees growing in different directions sometimes coming together sometimes not works well )
searching for the same light.
Yet you do not see me

I see us stars
Shining in the same sky
bright and indifferent. ( with what kolemath was saying not strong, because it doesn't add anything, it is filling space. I think even saying something like  brightly indifferent or with bright indifference would work better. There is no clear message with this line.  Thats what makes it weaker.
Yet you do not see me

I see us drops
thundering from the dark clouds, ( maybe I am being over critical here but drops don't thunder so I am a bit lost in this meaning.
pattering on the self-same ground. ( This works well to highlight the separate drops ending in the same pace becoming the same)
Yet you do not see me.

I see us buds
awaiting our evolution,
upon the grey-green fields. ( I can see how this is not a strong image. It is hard to picture and doesn't evoke a sense of whats happening like your tree metaphor in the first stanza. Is grey- green suggesting its green but still kinda grey and not really all that nice and lush? It kinda seems like filler and doesn't really add to the understanding. There is definitely a better way to add to the poem in this line.
I bloom.
You will see me.



I know this poem may seem superficial and pretentious to some, however it holds great meaning to me. I would earnestly request you to try and put yourself in it and feel what you may relate to. All advice and criticism is welcome, I am open to hard criticism so please do not hold back. I appreciate each post. Thank you.

I agree with the others about the yet , it seems unnecessary and I think it takes strength out of the concept of you not being seen. Also the ending is a bit anti- climactic. Not much has changed from the beginner of the poem to the end. You guys are two in the same but different and then what? I guess all in all I didnt have much new to say about this but hopefully clarifying why those lines are weaker helps. This poem makes me want to know will the two ever be people together. even being seen doesnt mean being together. You can be seen then rejected. Thnks for the read.