waiting for the snow

[Achebe]

we're waiting for the snow to fall quiet
like a poem's beginning ....quietly, but a little trade off of grammar for sonics is ok. Unless you meant 'become quiet', which doesn't connect with a poem's beginning 

bringing relief from the rain .... 'bringing relief' is prosaic
and the blustery wind .... spoils the quiet buildup of the first two lines
from the slip of rotting leaves .... although I like the last line, the first two are dull and spoil the seeenity of the opening. Let this poem be about quiet snow, not about everything else in the world 

from the strain of change .... meaningless 

we're waiting to trundle
through undulating drifts
across fallow fields .... nice strophe. Along with the opening, the best part of the poem 

inward as a daydream
as an icy lake .... snow covered fields like an icy lake...the simile is weak as both images are of equal strength 

I think you've got a good poem on your hands. Might make sense to carry on with the opening mood