10-26-2016, 01:25 AM
(10-26-2016, 01:04 AM)rowens Wrote: I have a pretty good feeling about this poem. I think it works well. But you must doubt it. Well, it might just be a strong, very strong skeleton, ready to hoist more meaty substance. But I don't know. I like the salt, the salt of the earth workers. And I like the finale. I think it's a fine ending for a thin poem. I think there's just enough innocence in it to justify what some might consider clunky rhymes and lines, but I don't think they're clunky or bad. They're good. I like the images, I like the comparisons. The pretzels and the birds and the sounds. I like the compression and the sequences in the stanzas. That's my critique.Rowens, I appreciate your critique although I am a bit confused on what to do with it. If this poem is lacking in substance how can I fix that, How do I know its missing to begin with. ( I guess that is a skill Ill learn ). I would love to add meat to this skeleton, and fix any clunkiness ( whether it is likable or not. )
Anyway thanks , Ill probbly keep re reading this critique to see what I can get from it. Thanks for taking the time out to read and write your critique.