10-26-2016, 01:04 AM
I have a pretty good feeling about this poem. I think it works well. But you must doubt it. Well, it might just be a strong, very strong skeleton, ready to hoist more meaty substance. But I don't know. I like the salt, the salt of the earth workers. And I like the finale. I think it's a fine ending for a thin poem. I think there's just enough innocence in it to justify what some might consider clunky rhymes and lines, but I don't think they're clunky or bad. They're good. I like the images, I like the comparisons. The pretzels and the birds and the sounds. I like the compression and the sequences in the stanzas. That's my critique.