The Eternal Sunset

[Khoa Nguyen[NightStalker]]

Hi, 



I wrote the following poem which has the theme of life and death. I would like some feedback especially regarding rhyme and rhythm, and whether the arguments I make for picking life over death makes sense to the readers. Thanks!

Most of man knows life as time,
but privy few know that ebbs and tides not shackled by time,
is what make life divine;
The eternal sunset on the horizon waves,
and if there is a paradise I would sprint its way,
and if past the sunset an inferno lies,
I would do good a deed and temper vice today;
And as muscle dies and senses fail,
and if the spirit withers away,
that I say is the worst of fates!
Not life at all, but brief mirage, a charlatan:
it imitates, and masquerades;
For man’s torch can only flare and dim,
but remains a speck in a great abyss;
The eternal sunset comes closer still,
Should I live in wait or run to it with all my will?

I would say the claim that life is time, never really got supported.  the eternal sunset is when you run with all your might to keep the sunset up right? like even if you do that time continue and life fades still. when you reach the 24th hour timeline, you skip a day forward.

I like the concept of keeping an eternal sunset, but when you describe it as a somewhat halting time, it's the perspective from earth relative to the sun. but the galaxy clock is still ticking.