I See Yet

[mitsuch]

Two trees aren't alike? They both got bark, have leaves, and grow in the forest???..

I think the last stanza needs some work. This appears to be a love poem of some sort, however the you will see me sounds threatening.... it makes you come out to be a creeper.

self-same ground is non-sensical. Your list... trees, stars, drops... is just that, a list. Theres no reason there, no second layer. Why not vines, comets, or snowflakes. There isn't anything unique about the random objects you've chosen to create unconnected metaphors.

it's great that the poem means something to you, but the preamble is completely worthless. Who cares if the poem means something to you. Don't ask for critique when what you really want is praise. Show it to your mom or post it on facebook.

I completely understand what youre saying. I see that now. There isn't a second layer... thats quite helpful actually. I really didnt post it for praise, I expected hard critique, and it is what I got. The message was just to say that i can see how it would look pretentious but it isnt meant to be. Your input is actually quite valuable to me so I genuinely thank you. This is a forum where people aren't easily impressed and that is what I love about it. When writing my next piece Ill keep your words in mind.

Why the twist in the last stanza? There's no explanation for the sudden ability to see you. A bloom amongst blooms is a tree amongst trees.

It is when we bloom that we differentiate.

And when trees grow cells differentiate. Two trees are not alike. Neither are two stars, unless you think that Sirius and Polaris are one and the same. To hold out two flowers as being examples of differentiation in contrast to the rest isn't convincing.

The point was to show that even in our interconnectedness and uniqueness the bloom is what differentiates but I can see that I have failed to do just that. I completely understand where youre coming from and when looking at from your perspective, I can see how unconvincing these words are. Thank you for your feedback, I'll work on this in my next piece.