I See Yet

[mitsuch]

an interesting interconnectedness of nature emerges from the patterned opening lines from each stanza, as if trees, etc. are all one.  i'm not sure stars fits though, as the poem appears to be about tree growth. maybe stars fits though on second though, because, well, the sun.  i'm just not sure outer space is relevant here. 

some line comments

{FIRST EDITION}
I See Yet

I see us trees
growing to and from one another,
searching for the same light.
Yet you do not see me do you need yet?

I see us stars
Shining in the same sky no caps on shining
bright and indifferent. this line is weaker than the others
Yet you do not see me repetition works well in the poem

I see us drops
thundering from the dark clouds,
pattering on the self-same ground. same-self ties the theme of interconnectedness together and is just plain interesting 
Yet you do not see me.

I see us buds
awaiting our evolution, at first read, i didn't like evolution, but on the second reading i think i works
upon the grey-green fields. this line is weaker than the others
I bloom.
You will see me. didn't use yet here and it reads better to me



I know this poem may seem superficial and pretentious to some, however it holds great meaning to me. I would earnestly request you to try and put yourself in it and feel what you may relate to. All advice and criticism is welcome, I am open to hard criticism so please do not hold back. I appreciate each post. Thank you.

thanks for posting

Hi! Thanks for the reply! I'd just like to state that the words here are all metaphors of nature and the universe but they refer to humanity. I really liked your suggestion to drop the YET. It seemed appropriate when writing the poem fr some reason. I'll take your other suggestions into account once I reach home. Thanks again!