10-09-2016, 06:05 PM
(10-09-2016, 12:16 PM)milo Wrote: I know you aren't looking for critique, but I found this enjoyable but with some that could be cut - "down" on the first line, etc. the passive voice interjection on s2 was appropriate where normally I would balk.
Actually I am looking for critique. Though in misc. you have to give it out of charity...
(and I'm always, it seems, taking advantage of it.)
Yes, that "down"... I decided to take it out of the second line instead of the first.
Does that seem to fix part of what you didn't like?
(10-09-2016, 04:05 PM)Achebe Wrote: I like the particularity of the observations - for instance, the shorts are still there but thicker, and the grasses are still growing, but more slowly. I like how the ending loops back to the beginning - a device that never stales. And the picture makes it perfect.
But is 'quieting' a word? I thought it was 'quietening'?
Thanks for reading and liking.
P.S. They're both decent words. 'Quieting' is more U.S. and 'quietening' is more Brit.
all this useless beauty... but what the hell, why not?