09-29-2016, 05:53 AM
It is worth mentioning that I am deeply excited to see this is a community of people who appear to provide amazing and helpful feedback for each other's work. I am really quite sad I haven't found this place before now, but here's my first contribution. Thank you in advance!
1st Edit:
It’s easy to be brave from here
because the mountains are miles away
and I’ve never carried a pack.
Three days from now
I’ll crawl halfway up a rockfall
while my courage looks on
from a grove of aspens.
There’s a fishing pole strapped to my back.
A solitary arm waving erratically
begging for a white flag to be run up the line.
The mountain has me lassoed
like a signal corps recruit
or some uncoordinated beetle,
and looking back now and again
I still find my brave spectator
trembling in the tree line.
Original:
It’s easy to be brave from here
Because the mountains are miles away
And I’ve never carried a pack.
Three days from now
I’ll crawl halfway up a rockfall
While my bravery stays behind in a grove of aspens.
Above my right shoulder
The mountain has me lassoed
By a fishing-pole.
I'll claw my way up that hill—
A signal corps recruit,
Or some great uncoordinated beetle
Looking back now and again
to find my brave spectator
Trembling in the tree line.
1st Edit:
It’s easy to be brave from here
because the mountains are miles away
and I’ve never carried a pack.
Three days from now
I’ll crawl halfway up a rockfall
while my courage looks on
from a grove of aspens.
There’s a fishing pole strapped to my back.
A solitary arm waving erratically
begging for a white flag to be run up the line.
The mountain has me lassoed
like a signal corps recruit
or some uncoordinated beetle,
and looking back now and again
I still find my brave spectator
trembling in the tree line.
Original:
It’s easy to be brave from here
Because the mountains are miles away
And I’ve never carried a pack.
Three days from now
I’ll crawl halfway up a rockfall
While my bravery stays behind in a grove of aspens.
Above my right shoulder
The mountain has me lassoed
By a fishing-pole.
I'll claw my way up that hill—
A signal corps recruit,
Or some great uncoordinated beetle
Looking back now and again
to find my brave spectator
Trembling in the tree line.