Our Love is Anywhere *second edit*

[operadiva]

Hey! thank you for your feedback. I tried to make some changes based on your critiques. Let me know if you think I was successful in improving my work! 

Hi opera - you might want to avoid:

1. repetition (too many 'I wants')
2. cliches ('colossal mountains', 'are infinite')
3. losing track of what you were saying (that you're PREPARED to go dumpster diving is not the same as saying that you WANT to live off ramen noodles. It's not clear as to why you'd want to be poor, it's different that you might not mind being poor, etc.)

But more importantly, there needs to be some sort of rhythm in your poem.
In the end, a poem is a song or a painting. It is not a list.
So you could try rearranging the words and getting a cadence going. 
Example:

I want to learn a foreign tongue,
and find another way 
to share our love; to change names 
and travel,
our true identities a secret,
my only truth being you.
 
I want to barely make ends meet,
counting quarters from the couch,
and living 
off ramen noodles,
my only warmth being you.

etc.
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