09-23-2016, 05:32 AM
I must confess, I was steeling myself to read some more cliched angst but you've not fallen into that trap, and for that I'm very grateful to you. While I do think this could benefit from some pruning, there are powerful lines here that capture indecision, spiraling thoughts and despair very well.
What I would most like to see is a change of title, so that the punch of the final lines is not anticipated. It would also help if you remove any other instances of "never before/ never again" from the poem. You might consider revising your repetition of rather pointless words like "there" and "my". All of those lists would be improved in that way. I do hope you edit this because it has the potential to become quite a valuable poem for a particular audience.
What I would most like to see is a change of title, so that the punch of the final lines is not anticipated. It would also help if you remove any other instances of "never before/ never again" from the poem. You might consider revising your repetition of rather pointless words like "there" and "my". All of those lists would be improved in that way. I do hope you edit this because it has the potential to become quite a valuable poem for a particular audience.
It could be worse