Two Seasons

[HaleINthewind]

Here there are two months of Summer
and seven months of Fall,
so I've got all the time in the world to miss you. ( I would cut this line out , it distracts from the beautiful images you have created above and below it)
I count the leaves
dropping in the hall
and in the kitchen.
I can see the trees,
bare.
In no condition to fight the cold, but they do it anyway. ( This would be a great place to add some powerful imagery- the idea is poetic- the line could be too.)
I'm in no condition to watch the clock tick, ( Another great place to show us with some of that great imagery )
but it's 4:31, :32, :33 AM
and here I am
drunk off red wine and bad karma. ( Not as graceful as the first few lines, but I like it. )
Too many blank stares and one liners. ( another great place to show us, really bring us into the feeling of being surrounded or drunk and drowning in blank stares and one liners. )
I wish you would come save me,
but maybe that's just how the story ends. ( I am also not a fan of this line, it gives me more questions than answers( not the good kind))
And I will count the leaves
dropping in the hall
and in the kitchen.
Only six more months of Fall. ( love the ending)

Hey there, I really enjoyed a lot of the lines in your poem and the overall feeling. I just have a few suggestions that may help you and your poem along your journey. I agree that it would be a good idea to break this poem up into stanzas. You have shown you can produce beautiful images, it would be nice to see the imagery continue farther down the poem. I am not sure I am completely understanding whether the person is away until summer or if that is a metaphor for seasons in a relationship. I am assuming the blank stares and one liners are either people who care trying to help you get over your love, or people trying to pick you up at a bar? I am a bit confused there I am not sure if it is me or the poem being unclear. Perhaps imagery would help really show us whats going on. All in all I enjoyed reading your poem. Looking forward to reading your first edit . Thanks