09-22-2016, 05:51 AM
Hey,
I love the idea of 2 seasons instead of the cliché 4. I would try to avoid the words where the poem is about (miss etc) Furthermore, I would change the line in which you say "maybe that's how to story ends" somewhat, mainly because your poem made me think about what would happen after the 7 months ofn Fall and you kind of "ruin" the illusion for me with that line. Lastly, maybe you could change "bad karma" to something different, I find that the word "karma" sounds a little bit off here. Overall, great concept and beautiful words!
Love,
I love the idea of 2 seasons instead of the cliché 4. I would try to avoid the words where the poem is about (miss etc) Furthermore, I would change the line in which you say "maybe that's how to story ends" somewhat, mainly because your poem made me think about what would happen after the 7 months ofn Fall and you kind of "ruin" the illusion for me with that line. Lastly, maybe you could change "bad karma" to something different, I find that the word "karma" sounds a little bit off here. Overall, great concept and beautiful words!
Love,