09-20-2016, 10:06 AM
"Air conditioning" feels like it should be "air conditioned", seeing as it refers to the state of the drivers to whom the man is appealing. Also, dialogue marks around "troll", "father", and "thirst" would make that segment a little clearer, I think. Otherwise, this is a great piece. The main character is evoked beautifully in neatly clipped little sentence-clauses, as is the setting, while the satirical thrust in the depiction of the distracted urbanites is sharp and poignant. Thank you for the read; all critique is, of course, JMHO. - Jack xxx
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe