Cheaters

[Lizzie]

sorry to only comment on meter. if you like, i can return for comments on content. good luck! thanks for sharing

After we're done here, I'll probably clean it up and have it moved to "For Fun." As I said, I just wanted people to get credit for their crits. In a minute, I'll post a version of the poem where I map out where I heard the beats lying, since I was working with substitutions. Thanks for the crit, Kole (and everyone)!

Yes, it is a little satiric. And the 'postrophies and th's are there for comic effect and to reinforce the idea that "I can play that game," lengthening and shortening words on whim to make the meter work. I struggle with humor, so if it wasn't funny, then we'll just keep it in a more serious forum.

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Here's what I had in mind:

I'll tell you what I hate 'bout meter: (fem ending)
it seems like everyone's a cheater (fem ending)
with magic 'postrophies like 'ere (mas ending)
and ne'er and where-the-bleeping e'er (mas ending)
it makes the iambs work. Well, hell (mas ending)
then I'll just make up language too (mas ending)
with lazy arr'gance like you've never (fem ending)
dreamed! Like a banker far behind (trochaic inversion, mas ending)
in Scrabble, I'll add th's like taxes. (fem ending)
It's effortless, 'cause poemeth after (pyrrhic substitution, fem ending)
poemeth just butchers nat'ral speech. (trochaic substitution, mas ending)
It's stucketh in my brain! Yes, I (mas ending)
can play that game. (piddly fragment, just got tired, basically)

There are more masculine endings than feminine.

The reason I'm doing this is because I'm reading through "The Ode Less Traveled" like Leanne told me too. And, like a good little student, I'm eating my vegetables. I just finished the chapter on substitutions for iambic verse, and I wanted to make sure that I was using them properly. I see now that I only have one pyrrhic sub, so I should probably do more with that one.

To Duke's point, I understand that one wouldn't really choose to use these substitutions unless the poem's meaning would be enhanced by it, and that's a point well taken.