Thinking Spot

[maximuswolf]

Line breaks for readability, not to discount your formatting. Nevertheless, very prosey and very wordy.


I'll use your first paragraph as an example here, as it lends itself well to my points. The bracketed phrases should be condensed. Crossed out portions, well, they should probably be crossed out.

Thinking Spot

[In darkness, I walk the path pressed down,]
created by the [back and forth] of my numerous footsteps before.
Surrounded by the forest and [the darker shadows cast,]
[my feet] walk forward fully aware
[where each step should go without the need of sight.]     the word I prefer is 'proprioception' - says a lot with one word
The moonlight frost is brighter ahead 
where the path opens to planted fields    not bad
and my eyes adjust to a lighter shade of night.
I walk the edges quietly
to the lone dying oak, looking into the sky,
it’s leafless branches silhouetted by the moon    you already made the presence of the moon obvious
[seem to clutch around me.]
Finding my usual seat, a large exposed root,
[it’s bark worn and smoother]
[caused by the wet stone of numerous sittings before.]
This is my thinking spot,
the place where questions are asked,
memories summoned and the universe
becomes a wishing well.    I'd say use a metaphor here, not a metamorphosis. 'universe is a wishing well' instead of 'becomes'

Basically, try to compact it. You seem to have some fair images in your head there, but it lacks clarity for me.

thank you....very helpful...i like a lot of your suggestions.

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If you're after a prose poem, you need to be more precise and detailed in your description. Precise, because you can't have 'frost' and fireflies, frogs, and crickets in the same season. Detailed, because' nocturnal creatures' is a cop out.
You can't have lines like  my mind comes alive with awe and wonder in a poem. It tells nothing of interest to the reader, although it may be of interest to you. If you want to hold the reader's interest, you have to show him how your mind comes alive, etc.

frost is more...the look...this is a path i actually stomped down in the woods  and coming to the field the moonlight reminds me of frost on the ground...obvious moonlight doesn't create frost...but i think i could leave frost out.....obvious i can't see the creatures, just hear them in the night...although i could guess what they are....but maybe a point here....thanks