09-11-2016, 02:52 PM
This is really a fantastic poem. I love the concept here of not really meeting someone if you don't see or acknowledge them in the first place. This extended metaphor of a sort of insectile blind man emphasizes to me a certain level of strength that comes with being blind—not just physical/sensory, but emotional strength. I noticed on my third read that you used an ABBA rhyme scheme and wrote this in iambic pentameter, which was so subtle I never would have noticed! Below are just a few comments at the level of the line.
(09-02-2016, 10:41 PM)dukealien Wrote: Unmet
Edit 2
While sidewalk-biking home I met a man
or did not meet - the man I saw was blind.
He crabbed along, each twisting step a find|Crabbed is such a great verb here, I can really see this man scuttling down the sidewalk.
of safety when and if his faith outran
the sweep and scrape of slender, questing cane|Describing the cane as "questing" was very evocative. Illustrates this man's perpetual search.
striped white and red, antenna of an ant
dark glasses first suggested. Adamant
he scuttled, grim-set jaw rejecting pain.|Im curious here as to what kind of pain this man might be rejecting. Emotional? Physical?
I hopped the curb and rode past in the street:
did he hear clicking sprocket, whispered tires
and make of us a pair of witting liars|Brilliant. The fact that you call the bike a 'witting liar' as well helped put me in the blind man's eye. (Pun intended.)
who passed on by, pretending not to meet?