Dirty Limericks

[CRNDLSM]

The sun was shut out by the weather
Been a long time since wed been together
But after a bottle of rum
what should have been fun
turned into a painful endeavor

the foreplay began on the couch
removing clothes all round the house
something stuck in her hair
she tripped on a  chair
and headbutted me in the mouth

undressing the rest is a mess
fooling around id never have guessed
that shed been allergic
to my laundry detergent
til her nose ran all over my chest

they say you make perfect with practice
but sometimes your efforts disastrous
drunk and impatient
my bedframe was ancient
we broke it when we both hit the mattress

tired after all that transpired
a trip to the fridge reinspired
when giving a lick
she was suddenly sick
the whipped cream had already expired

making our way to the spoon
removing her fruit of the loom
it wasnt so cute
when she let out a toot
and the smell over whelmed her perfume

pretty early for this dirty birdy
the clock read only 9:30
but the look on her face
said it wasnt a race
as i rolled over pre-maturely

making breakfast in the kitchen
over tea she happens to mention
now dont be alarmed
and she said this with charm
but tomorrow youll prolly be itchin

at the doctors i got inspected
he said apply this as directed
of course instead
i ignored what he said
and now everythings infected

you could say i was slightly upset
since i set out to ruin her rep
but i can just see her cringe
as i dish out revenge
and post the video up on the internet