09-09-2016, 08:27 PM
[THIS IS MY FIRST POST HOPE IT'S HELPFUL 
]
I like your poem, you have a wicked rhythm here. It's already pretty tidy, but I have a minor gripe with that fourth line 'of safety when and if his faith outran'. It trips a bit for me, I guess I feel like 'a find of safety' and 'when and if his faith outran' feel a bit odd with no punctuation between them. 'A find of safety' is nice, so I'd probably slightly rephrase the rest of the line (I'm not sure a full stop alone would work)
P.S I like the cheeky adamant pun
]I like your poem, you have a wicked rhythm here. It's already pretty tidy, but I have a minor gripe with that fourth line 'of safety when and if his faith outran'. It trips a bit for me, I guess I feel like 'a find of safety' and 'when and if his faith outran' feel a bit odd with no punctuation between them. 'A find of safety' is nice, so I'd probably slightly rephrase the rest of the line (I'm not sure a full stop alone would work)
P.S I like the cheeky adamant pun