09-09-2016, 11:21 AM
This is my first time giving feedback, but I will try my best anyway.
I feel like the beginning was too intense and gave too much details of what it is about too early. That might lead the reader to lose interest quickly.
A change in the pacing towards the end (slowing it down maybe) would have been an interesting thing to see as well, but might as well just be me.
Other than that I found it really enjoyable, I liked the theme of it and was overall very well done. Hopefully I'll se more of you in the future.
Keep at it!
-fred
I feel like the beginning was too intense and gave too much details of what it is about too early. That might lead the reader to lose interest quickly.
A change in the pacing towards the end (slowing it down maybe) would have been an interesting thing to see as well, but might as well just be me.
Other than that I found it really enjoyable, I liked the theme of it and was overall very well done. Hopefully I'll se more of you in the future.
Keep at it!
-fred