One Way to End an Affair

[71degrees]

Well, hello, . While a candle dying is overused I still enjoyed what you did with it. Some notes.

A candle’s dying
makes the candle
live longer, as nothing
is not by its own ceasing
still alive—
While I like the use of and break on "nothing" I had to change it in my mind to "everything is by its own ceasing" to follow it. I'm not sure what, if anything, you might do to ease that, or if easing it would help or hinder the poem, just saying.

not time, nor light,
nor my love for you.
This added to my confusion, I might prefer
time,
light,
my love for you.


Everything is red
at some point in its existence:
ecstasy consumed, Strong lines, I like the change in light color to red, I'd like an end-stop here.
some a bit shorter— "Some" is too vague here, some of everything? I think you can do better.

like paraphrasing
my love for you. I like paraphrasing, the condensation of the complicated.

All things are like candles,
even heavy stones—

even my love for you. Lovely last three lines, all the weight we drag around, even when it has burned supposedly to nothing.

I think you have a little bit of work yet to do here, hope my comments help in some way.

Well, hello, back.

Your comments always help. And yes, I have a little bit of work to do here, but that's better than a LOT of work to do here

Glad you like "paraphrasing" and the end line. Am also glad you think the candle angle is fresh. From what I'm hearing from most folks, the "philosophy" of the burning of the candle needs clarification.

Again, thanks.

71degrees