09-04-2016, 11:10 AM
Edit 1
Unmet
While sidewalk-biking home I met a man
or did not meet - the man I saw was blind.
He crabbed along, each twisting step a find
of safety when and if his faith outran
the sweep and scrape of slender, questing cane
striped white and red, antenna of an ant.
Black, bulging goggles also helped to plant
this likeness; his set jaw rejected pain.
I hopped the curb and rode past in the street:
did he hear clicking sprocket, whispered tires
and make of us a pair of witting liars
who passed on by, pretending not to meet?
Thanks to both @kolemath and @Brownlie. The edit incorporates as much of your valuable suggestions as possible. Glad you liked it.
@kolemath - I've tried to make the conditional more regular in L4 at the expense of the more concrete (g) "sidewalk." As well as bringing the bicycle onstage early.
@Brownlie - followed your idea of showing (at first) rather than telling his expression/emotional state, and others.
What I'm trying to get across is that I failed in a social duty to give (audible) greeting as well as physically dodging the man... then (as @kolemath accurately noted) try to deflect some (half) of the guilt for failing to render courtesies onto him since he (with unspoken stereotype of enhanced other senses) may have known I was there. So his motivation would be that we're polite people.
A proper start to the transaction (which I've used with this same person when there was no way to dodge) would be, "Good morning! Passing on your left." To which he would answer, "Good morning!" and restrict the sweep of his cane (and possibly stop) until I was past (perhaps with a "Thank you!" from me to show I was clear). Being polite isn't hard; sometimes I just get lazy.
Unmet
While sidewalk-biking home I met a man
or did not meet - the man I saw was blind.
He crabbed along, each twisting step a find
of safety when and if his faith outran
the sweep and scrape of slender, questing cane
striped white and red, antenna of an ant.
Black, bulging goggles also helped to plant
this likeness; his set jaw rejected pain.
I hopped the curb and rode past in the street:
did he hear clicking sprocket, whispered tires
and make of us a pair of witting liars
who passed on by, pretending not to meet?
Thanks to both @kolemath and @Brownlie. The edit incorporates as much of your valuable suggestions as possible. Glad you liked it.
@kolemath - I've tried to make the conditional more regular in L4 at the expense of the more concrete (g) "sidewalk." As well as bringing the bicycle onstage early.
@Brownlie - followed your idea of showing (at first) rather than telling his expression/emotional state, and others.
What I'm trying to get across is that I failed in a social duty to give (audible) greeting as well as physically dodging the man... then (as @kolemath accurately noted) try to deflect some (half) of the guilt for failing to render courtesies onto him since he (with unspoken stereotype of enhanced other senses) may have known I was there. So his motivation would be that we're polite people.
A proper start to the transaction (which I've used with this same person when there was no way to dodge) would be, "Good morning! Passing on your left." To which he would answer, "Good morning!" and restrict the sweep of his cane (and possibly stop) until I was past (perhaps with a "Thank you!" from me to show I was clear). Being polite isn't hard; sometimes I just get lazy.
Non-practicing atheist