09-04-2016, 02:30 AM
There are some beautiful words in this, but I wonder who this is for. As a reader the technicalities of the words I felt eliminated me from the experience. This was a poem to write, not one to invite to be read. Which, I also found a bit of a shame because there are some great phrases. I'd think about your audience (self vs reader) and see if you can challenge yourself to find a balance. Just thoughts, of course, do keep posting.
(08-06-2016, 02:30 PM)poet-rice Wrote: Corroboree
<> petrichor glance
moves flux dead ochre in
torrent whites
descended
spates turned flights
to find calloused paw.
should hurt rose quartz crevices
cleft initials
in veined streams
for now ardent soil?
where conflict lead oil drops
to confines,
to break Memnon
wave rocks.
no, spoke fractures of
clay.
We meet, sacred,
to the occident-red,
severed tree
sentenced,
to breath free.
