One Way to End an Affair

[Lizzie]

Hi, 71 -- I just have a couple of thoughts.

A candle’s dying
makes the candle
live longer, as nothing
is not by its own ceasing -- this line and the one above were hard for me to trudge through. I understand the point, the phrasing just feels clunky and it seems like such a round-about way of saying something. It's also quite philosophical in a poem that seems to me like it should be more emotive, more raw.
still alive—

not time, nor light,
nor my love for you.

Everything is red
at some point in its existence: -- I don't think you need "in its existence"
ecstasy consumed,
some a bit slower— -- "some" gave me fits. I think it is supposed to pair with 'everything' but I read it multiple times as pairing with 'ecstasy,' so that led me into some confusion.

like paraphrasing -- I guess I don't understand what the 'like' links to. Which part of the previous stanza is like paraphrasing?
my love for you.

All things are like candles,
even heavy stones—

even my love for you.

Yeah, I guess my main quibble is that it sounds so detached. I'm not getting sucked into the drama of the flame going out, I'm having it described to me and expounded upon philosophically. It's like a love is ending and the speaker is trying to distance themselves from the grief of it, but I need the speaker to gaze into the grief for a moment to capture me.

I hope this helps some

lizziep