09-03-2016, 02:04 AM
I found some of the more unfamiliar words very intriguing and enjoyed learning about those I had not previously heard of. In particular, descriptive words like petrichor, ochre and occident are very strong and give a sensually vivid tone to the poem. I felt that using your language to complement these words e.g. 'sacred, /to the occident-red' was quite striking and would like to see more of this.
Generally, though I enjoyed digging into the poem and seeking meaning within the various layers, I would appreciate a slightly more accessible structure - one that is perhaps less disjointed, though I am aware that the fractured nature of the poem may be intentional. I think this could be retained if you sought to clarify the poem and think that perhaps a good method for this would be to extend the poem, allowing you to elaborate in meaningful ways that enrich the poem without taking away what you already have. It could also give you an opportunity to reinforce the wonderful imagery mentioned above.
My interpretation is uncertain but I assume this is a poem about racial segregation, specifically related to the Aboriginal people. As I said, I am not sure of this, but the topic and imagery are powerful and I hope we can learn more!
Generally, though I enjoyed digging into the poem and seeking meaning within the various layers, I would appreciate a slightly more accessible structure - one that is perhaps less disjointed, though I am aware that the fractured nature of the poem may be intentional. I think this could be retained if you sought to clarify the poem and think that perhaps a good method for this would be to extend the poem, allowing you to elaborate in meaningful ways that enrich the poem without taking away what you already have. It could also give you an opportunity to reinforce the wonderful imagery mentioned above.
My interpretation is uncertain but I assume this is a poem about racial segregation, specifically related to the Aboriginal people. As I said, I am not sure of this, but the topic and imagery are powerful and I hope we can learn more!