Two Seasons

[cvanshelton]

Hi Hope! There are some great lines and images in your poem, but I think you'll need to work on it a bit to get it polished. This is just my own opinion, so take it or leave it, but if you can take a poem and write it out like a paragraph and it reads just fine as prose, you really don't have a poem. You just have prose broken up in lines. I think there are some places where this poem is more on the prose side of things. I usually try to remind myself to show and not tell. Create images and you will enchant your readers. I have highlighted some things I liked most about your poem below. More of those and you are on your way. Cheers!

Here there are two months of Summer
and seven months of Fall,
so I've got all the time in the world to miss you.
I count the leaves
dropping in the hall
and in the kitchen.
I can see the trees,
bare.
In no condition to fight the cold, but they do it anyway.
I'm in no condition to watch the clock tick,
but it's 4:31, :32, :33 AM
and here I am
drunk off red wine and bad karma. Drunk off bad karma is a great line.
Too many blank stares and one liners.
I wish you would come save me,
but maybe that's just how the story ends.
And I will count the leaves
dropping in the hall
and in the kitchen.
Only six more months of Fall.